seasonal anxiety disorder

seasonal anxiety disorder

[ spring ] urge the leaves onto the trees

cheer the bright buds on like voguing queens

worry that they’re late arriving

that we’ll have less time amongst them

[ summer ] sing to the leaves and the sun

to stay high for as long as they can

leaflike I absorb every wavelength of heat

deep into my cells, stashed inside me

shimmering against the flattening grey of winter

[ autumn ] plead with the leaves

to hang on, I can’t bear it

we’ll ease into the jumpers and fires

but not so fast

they’re turning too soon

furiously calculating how many months

since the quickening

did I spend too little time appreciating them

being here?  I’m sorry leaves

please know I will miss you

[winter} whisper to the memory of leaves

to calmly hold all the colours with me

to be more tree, with silent knowing

that we’ll rotate back towards it all again

fiercely imagine the landscape into leaf

longing to be freshly astounded by the wind rustling soft green reassurance, if only

[always] I could end with the thought

that both the leaves and the not leaves

call me to be present

to be here now

but really, would you believe anyone

who said they’d mastered that

and anyhow with luck

we’ll go around again