what the fuck

what the fuck

for about half an hour today

the pain lifted and I didn’t feel

like my veins were forcing

fiery poison around my limbs

and my thoughts flowed light and clear as a dandelion head floating on

a glassfresh mountain stream

I remembered what it was like

such weightless happiness

I got some stuff done

wrote a poem

made lunch

without wanting

to throw the unfairness of it all

in the shape of a tomato

at the wall

dear universe, if I felt like this all the time

I’d be astonishing

I know it doesn’t work like that

but really, if the only thing your body regularly interrupts your day with is a sneeze

or to remind you to piss or to eat

listen to me, this is urgent

dance

(I have no business telling you this,

envy and despair as unsolicited advice)

but do you love being deep amongst trees or building things bigger than all of us

or just floating about as you please (because fuck no this isn’t about productivity it’s about pleasure)

if yes, but you can’t

I see you, I know

what the fuck is this

I feel you

furious

fiercely hoping